Frost
by Mirune Keishiko
Summary: Glimpses into darkling minds and secret hearts. Battousai on Tomoe; Tomoe on Battousai.
1. Frost I: Battousai no Kokoro

FROST I  
Battousai no Kokoro  
(first of two)  
by Keishiko  
  
  
You sit at the window, watching the snowflakes swirl outside. It is freezing in the cottage, but you do not seem to shiver. Your eyes are soft and lost far away. There is a haunting look in them, one of loneliness and sorrow that emanates from the very bone. It troubles me.  
  
My Tomoe, Tomoe, Tomoe...  
  
My beloved wife. It is somehow selfish, but it pains me to see you as you are -- sad, pensive, wistful. Cannot I, your husband, take away those tears in your eyes, and replace them with light and merriment? Am I not enough? Tomoe, can you not understand that I would gladly die, would gladly suffer a thousand poisoned cuts in my flesh to see you happy?  
  
What makes you so sad, my beloved? What makes you sit at the window and weep? Is it the snow, drifting like teardrops of ice? Perhaps you, like I myself, remember blood running red across whitened plains, unequaled death and destruction amid the still serenity of the frost. Is it the weather, heavy and stifling, freezing one's breath within his lungs and numbing the skin? Is it the bare, stark nakedness of the trees like burnt fingers, groping toward the blank sky?  
  
Tomoe. Your feathery brows are low, you bite your lip. I watch from the shadows, unnoticed, vigilant, keen, like the assassin I am. Part of me can bear no more to watch; it longs to rush to you and hold you close until the faintest nuance of mirth can be gleaned from your lips. But a greater part keeps it in stern check. I wish to remain as I am, unsuspected, unseen, until I discover the secrets that glimmer in your tragic eyes. I know you love me, and I love you with a love much like the blade I wield - delicate and beautiful - strong and sure. But still, you are a mystery.  
  
My Tomoe, Tomoe, Tomoe. After years of dealing in men's fragility I know time for us is not unlimited. The future is no certainty. Yet you tease me, stay beyond my grasp as I try to understand you, to define and control and please you. I want to kiss away the bitterness of your sorrow, to bring a smile to those cherry blossom lips, while I still can. Time is swift and short, our lives more so.  
  
But I wonder -- in a face such as yours whose sweet and pearl-like beauty could never be totally eclipsed by troubled shadow -- do you, perhaps, know this too?  
  
  
* tsuzuku *  
  
Hm. Please do remember that this is Hitokiri Battousai talking, not Himura Kenshin. Is it terribly OOC? ^.^x There's a second installment in this mini-series for Tomoe, entitled "Frost II: Tomoe no Kokoro."  



	2. Frost II: Tomoe no Kokoro

Author's note: You may want to read the first story in this mini-series, entitled "Frost: Kenshin's Heart." You don't have to, but it would make me quite happy. ^.^x  
  
FROST  
  
Tomoe's Heart  
  
(second of two)  
  
by Keishiko  
  
You sit at the window, watching the snowflakes swirl outside. It is freezing inside the cottage, but you do not seem to shiver. Your eyes are soft and lost far away. There is a haunting look in them, one of doubt and unease that emanates from the very bone. It troubles me.  
  
My Kenshin, Kenshin, Kenshin...  
  
My beloved husband. Sometimes I find myself wishing I could turn back time for you. The doubt in your beautiful violet eyes, the unrest and regret, seem to have been there since time immemorial. Your short life has been full of darkness, dimmed with undeserved evil since the beginning. How I wish I could erase the shadows from your face, the uncertainty and guilt from your soul, as easily as I push back your hair or smooth the folds of your gi! How I wish I could take away the sadness and blame and replace them with light and innocence!  
  
You have been molded your entire life to be like the sword you so skillfully wield: sharp, keen, cold and hard and unbending as steel. For surely a softer, weaker spirit could never survive the harshness you have suffered! You have learned to fight, and you have dealt swift death to your enemies. You have learned to listen for the difference between the step of a friend and the footfall of an opponent. You have learned the small, imperceptible skills that separate those who die from those who survive.  
  
Kenshin. I never meant to fall in love with you -- the very man I had resolved to hate. Seething with the regret and pain of a love gone to waste, I wanted to ensure that Akira's murder would not go unavenged. How ironic that I fell into a trap before I could complete my own! Love is a silken snare, but now it holds me as surely as would steel or iron, and stays my hand far better than could the strongest chains.  
  
It is our own misfortune, to have been born into this age of bloodshed and war. We have sacrificed so much, you and I. We have both been forced to bend against ourselves, to surrender to the whims of this violent world in order to survive. And now that we have been brought together, we cling to each other in the desperate hope of love, finding one steady, unfailing station in the midst of a confusing world, finding peace and comfort amid the heartless cruelty of mankind turning in upon itself.  
  
My Kenshin, Kenshin. In the midst of this civil war that seems to have no end, as man turns against man, without heart, without soul, we are stranded, left to fend for ourselves. And so your eyes keep their wary vigil, uneasy and unwilling to trust.  
  
I approach, and instantly you look at me. The wariness in your gaze, now upon me, is twice as saddening. But as I reach out to you, it fades, a little bit.  
  
Without a word I fold you in my arms, and you clasp me just as silently. Words are soundless as the winter breeze between us. Eloquent enough for me is the warmth of your embrace, the relief in the small sigh that ruffles my hair and tickles my ear, the look in your eyes of rest, of calm, of peace.  
  
If that is all I can give you, my Kenshin, I give it willingly.  
  
* owari *  
  
Now, before Tomoe-haters begin to flood my inbox with hate mail, I'd like to explain. It's easy to look at the first Mrs. Himura as this hard, numb, unfeeling cold fish whose sole aim was to get even with Kenshin for killing Kiyosato -- I'm half of that opinion myself, believe me. But I also want to believe, if for poor Ken-san's sake alone, that she did in fact feel *something* for Kenshin. Else why would she sacrifice herself when he and that old Yaminobu guy Tatsumi were fighting?  
  
Thanks and salutations (as of 12 Apr 2004)!  
  
Wistful-Eyes: Ha ha! Excellent summary of that part of Kenshin's life: concise, but substantial, personal, and to the point. I like that. ^.^  
  
Angelic Gothique: Hey, cool name! ^.^ Thanks for taking the time to review.  
  
hpdigigal: It really wasn't that hard... at that point in Kenshin's life, he and Tomoe really are a little too much alike. ^.^; Thank you for stopping by!  
  
Aikawarazu Ai: Thanks! I'm glad you liked this. Though you'll see from my other fics that I will have to disagree a bit on your definition of Kamiya Kaoru... but that's all right, I'm honored to receive your honest opinions. ^.^  
  
ChiisaiLammy: Wow to you too. Thank you, thank you. This unworthy one is especially grateful for the praise coming from an obviously expert writer such as yourself! *bows, bows, and bows again* 


End file.
